Before Sunrise
No one in the right mind would willingly go to a hill in the middle of the night. But it would be a different case when you get to know him. Tarendra Wijaya, who believes to live up to his name as the prince of stars, who would absolutely go miles in 17°C just to see a goddamn ball of gas peeking from its nest. Don’t get me wrong, i always love everything about astronomy or whatever you call it, but do we really need to do it now? in the middle of final week?
“Stop being so hard on yourself, Ra. Kamu udah stress nugas nih kayaknya soalnya udah mulai galak. Mending kita jalan jalan aja yuk, mau ya?”
There you go, this is Tarendra Wijaya we’re talking about, and i could never say no to his constant need for adventure. He’s lucky i love him, otherwise i would prefer just stay the night in our warm dorm room and the only cold thing would be a bowl of his strawberry ice cream.
So here I am, half past two in the morning and I’m in the backseat of his old motorbike passing through the forest as the act of running away from the city and its bustle. I look over to my back and I was greeted by pitch darkness. The only luminance comes from the headlight and the city lights that only lags further behind as we drive deeper into the mountains. As we drive deeper into the forest, the cold morning fog started to numb our skin as a cost of abandoning our responsibilities behind. So it’s just us on a long lonely road accompanied by sounds of crickets as the silence lingered on the night air.
“Ra, liat deh, Ra. Bambunya gede-gede banget” he said in hushed tones as we drive past through forest road.
“Ndra, out of all topics and you decided to point out the fact that we ARE in the middle of nowhere with no one but trees and god knows what else,” I retorted and look away to the opposite direction. In my defense, i’m not usually a scaredy-cat but HEY it’s almost 3 in the morning and it is not my fault to be scared over things like that.
“Hehe, iya iya ga ngomong apa apa deh. Peluk aja sini tangannya ke jaket ku aja jangan kemana mana” he lets out a soft chuckle and puts my hand inside the pocket of his jacket. Biar jaketku ga terbang-terbangan, he once told me when I asked him why he always did what he did. Little did I know it was because he is aware of my fear of falling from the bike every time he hit the brakes. Or maybe he’s just afraid I would fall because he knows I get sleepy easily as it only took a gentle breeze to put me in hibernation mode. However, I just know I feel safe everytime I hug him, so it’s a win-win solution for both of us.
Here we are at last, on top of the hill, as our eyes glued to the night sky. Comfortable silence filled up the air giving us a serene feeling of a peaceful night.
“Ra, do you know the reasons why the stars are shining?” his voice comes in a whisper as if the slightest noise would wake the city below us.
“Hm… gimana ya Ndra, you probably won’t see it this way. But I think It’s because they want to guide the long-lost wandering soul to find their purpose in life,” I paused to see him facing me with curiosity filled his eyes.
“You see, there would be a day when you feel like you are trapped in a bottomless abyss and the only thing you could see is a pitch-black emptiness. You might feel afraid of the deafening silence that doesn’t answer all of your silent prayers and muffled screams. But there, when you look up, you would see that even in your darkest night, they’re still there. Countless stars burn themselves up to let their shine reach you in the farthest way possible. Even if they are probably 1,500 or 2,500 light-years away from you, they would pull you out of the abyss so you didn’t fall deeper and meet a dead end. They let you know that even on your darkest night there would still be a glimpse of light and hope,”
“Emang kalo menurut kamu kenapa, Ndra?”
Despite the darkness that surrounds us I swear I can see the mischievous glint dancing around in his eyes. I know he would break the opinion with a logical answer, as expected from our science master. But that’s the part i always look forward to every time we have a discussion. I’m a dreamer, and as you can see, he’s the realist that keep me from soaring too close to the sun.
“Ya…because of the nuclear fusion, what else?” and that’s, what I meant, by calling him a science master.
“BUT THAT’S NOT SENTIMENTAL??!?”
“Okay, okay, for real this time i have my own logical answer”
“Apa emangnya?”
“Because… the galaxy is dark?” he answered in a serious tone before he turned his head to face me and makes us broke into a fit of laughter.
“Oke oke sekarang ganti pertanyaan, if you only could choose one between sunrise and sunset, which one do you like the most, sunrise or sunset?” I let the question hung on the air and let him take his time to answer.
“Why… WHY would you give me a hard option to choose… wait i need to think this thoroughly,” his forehead furrowed as his mouth hung open, which has always been his habit ever since he was a child every time he concentrated on something. Automatically, i bring my hand to caressed the lines between his brows to ease the tension, “Easy there, tiger.” Eventually, it’s almost like a muscle memory for me every time he did that.
“Obviously sunrise” he gave me a solid answer after mentally debating with himself.
“Kenapa tuh kok milihnya sunrise?” I questioned him back so I could have the chance to travel inside his mind and take a tour around the maze.
“Soalnya bagi aku sunrise is like a reset button to start afresh, something like the beginning of something new. Hal sederhana yang ngingetin aku kalo selalu ada kesempatan untuk ngelakuin sesuatu lebih baik lagi.”
I turned my head and saw him looking far into the horizon as the darkness fades into orange hues. His gaze fixed on the sun that is slowly rising and bid her goodbye to the moon.
“Bener juga sih, it serves as a reminder that it’s just another bad day and this too shall pass.” I slightly nodded in agreement.
“I know, right. We still have our lives ahead of us, so we might as well make the most in the present instead of resenting ourselves for something that already happened.”
“And. I hope it works like that with you too, Ra,” he added and stared at me with the familiar fond look he always has on his doe eyes.
“Hah? Kenapa kok tiba-tiba aku?” I moved my body closer to him so I can take a closer look at his face
“Aku tau kok kamu masih suka kepikiran sama pilihan pilihan yang ga kamu ambil di masa lalu, kemungkinan-kemungkinan yang bisa aja terjadi kalo kamu ga memilih apa yang kamu pilih. Termasuk pikiran yang berujung bikin kamu ngebandingin pencapaian kamu sama orang lain di luar sana.”
“Nah, dengan reminder yang tadi aku harap kamu mulai bisa untuk ninggalin semua kemelut di kepala kamu itu. Bukan buat aku, tapi buat kamu sendiri biar bisa berdamai sama semua yang terjadi di masa lalu kamu. Biar kamu bisa tidur lebih enak lagi kan? Ga perlu begadang gabisa tidur karena tenggelam di pikiran kamu sendiri.” he continue to stroke my hair lightly that was messed from the wind.
Okay, confession time, I hate the way he can always read me like an open book and it’s unfair that he always knows what to say for every situation. And for everything he said and did to me, I hate the way I can’t hate him, not even close, not even at all. Not when his windblown hair makes him look more attractive, or when his captivating round eyes can always look through my soul and are able to untangle the knot in my head.
“Hehe, okay i’ll try to do that. But promise me one thing?”
“Apa?”
“Please stay by my side, and don’t let go of my hand”
“Do you really need to ask me that? Of course i would never leave your side. Well, maybe except when I have to run after Justin Bieber but other than that? nope, don’t want to, never had plan to do so. Kamu mau nyebrang jalan depan kampus? AKU GANDENG!!”
“NooOOOo, stop being so cheesy it doesn’t suit you” I flicked his forehead to stop him from making me blush like a teenage school girl. I swear I can feel a warm glow rise into my face and somehow, I knew my cheeks were burning hot.
“HAHAHAHA, gausah salting gitu kali. Yaudah mau turun cari sarapan ga? Ada warung bubur enak di bawah.”
“Yuk, tapi maunya digandeng HAHAHA”
